I just read this quote from Eckhart Tolle saying: “when you complain, you make yourself a victim, leave the situation, change the situation or accept it; all else is madness.”
Just with an experience I had a couple of nights ago, we went out to see a band playing. They were great, I was euphoric, and I got to talk with the singer. He was very friendly, and everything changed by the night’s end when I wanted to speak to the bass player, which was having none of my crazy, euphoric self. I tried to tell him how excellent everything was. But in the end, he shoved me with his hand on my shoulder.
At this point, I thought, OK. Well, it’s OK if he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. But my reflection the next day was: This happens to everyone when we are overwhelmed by any situation.
Sometimes, we react instead of acting on the situation, and the reaction is all we have when we can no longer defend ourselves or explain ourselves.
Then all these mechanisms trigger a fight, flight, fawn, or freeze response which is a way to get us out of any situation that we don’t know how to act.
In terms of self-evolution, it’s OK to react sometimes when we can’t deal with a situation anymore, but when somebody reacts towards us, we can’t take it personally because it’s not only about you.
It could be something very, very subtle that triggers the other person to react in one way or the other.
So the best thing in this kind of situation is to accept it if you can’t change it and leave it for that person to deal with their issues.
They are telling you in the only way that it’s possible for them at that moment that they have had enough, that they need to be left alone. And for you, you need to understand that it’s not that they don’t like you; it’s not that there is something against you. Because even with people who know you personally, they could still react against anything you might say or do or not say or not do because they don’t have the resources or tools to act on a situation.
So at a personal level, I think this is an excellent lesson in being more observant. When we are in a hyper state of consciousness, when we’re thrilled with friends, or sad, and we don’t want to see anyone, we cannot help but react towards others when we feel we can’t do anything anymore to defend ourselves or to explain ourselves. So it’s essential to be gentle with ourselves, to become more present.
And when we have this reactive energy bubbling inside of us towards the outside, towards a specific person, or a situation is good to stop ourselves and learn to say:
“I cannot deal with this situation right now.”
“I cannot talk about this right now.”
“I’m sorry. I need time out right now.”
“I would rather not talk right now because instead, I might be creating a situation that could turn everything worse, create madness.”
We must realize what’s happening, and reacting sometimes is just our last resort. Being present will help us not to be as reactive as we could be in many situations because when we realize we’re getting there or when somebody is coming and reacting towards us, we must understand that this is all they have at that moment.
Never take it personally. And when you feel you are going to react against someone, please stop yourself and articulate: “I can´t deal with this situation right now.” “I need time.” “I need to leave.” “Could you please leave me a moment because I cannot deal with this right now?” “Could we talk about this later?.”
That will make a world of difference because the other person will understand that you are not fit to deal with the situation and need a little time.
Then this will reflect in the other person as well because when the other person is reactive, they will realize that the best way is to answer to you in the same kind. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this right now” “I need some time” “Just give me a moment.”
Simple things can make our life and other people’s lives so much better. And again, I will say this Eckhart Tolle quote, which became very relevant for me today: “when you complain, you make yourself a victim, leave the situation, change the situation or accept it; all else is madness.”
Have a nice day.